Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
How do you love a body with no soul. A face with no name. A heart with no beat. This mind with no map...love it all, just like you did. How you did it so discretely, with no warning or cause. Slithering your way into a place that was guarded so well. You timed the way you were going to do it and you did it...just as you planned. But this is something we never planned. How simple it was for you to seep through all these spaces I left open. The way you re-drew the lines that had already been crossed. All the while, these lines turned into circles that seem to always follow me. The same me that you need. The me that I would offer if it were still there. But fading memories and broken promises is all that's left. And I'd give it all, if thats what you wanted. But what you wanted...the same things that you want...the same things that I'm dying to fulfill, and I feel it. See, I've never been in happiness, but I've been in love. I can show you how one can be without the other. But that's not what you wanna see. You can't see it from me. But it's shown...even through your blindest eyes. He took what I gave him, and he gave it away. She got what I worked for, and all that I ever wanted. Yet, you're asking me to find it, somewhere...somehow and give it to you. But I'm finding these things deep down that I already knew. Love doesn't last. I'm ready to let you leave...cause for this one time only, save yourself from me. All I want is something to hold onto. Something that's a little more guaranteed. The way you love me yields no direction. I ought to give you what you deserve...but the me that you seek is still incomplete, forgive me. I'm sorry.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
I like you because of you. The you that you once were. The you that you'll always be. The you that I still don't know, but the you that keeps me falling. No rush to be on solid ground because the you in me keeps me balanced. I feel all types of crazy by confessing this so soon, but the me in you should let you know that I don't have anything to lose..YET, I like you because you know me...even when I don't know myself. You see me perfectly for what I am. No need to change it. But you're changing...and I let you. Maybe I should meet you half way. But I'm scared, and you're scared. But I won't be scared to say it. So I'll say it, but that wont save it...from getting in our way. Right now...today, I want to promise you some things. I'm going to like you because of all that you mean...my laugh, my smile..it's all coming from you. And as strong as your guards are, I'm going to get through...so let's save time. Just let me in. Let me be your heart, be your rock, be your friend, be your reasons to let go, and love once more...because i'm feeing you now like never before. But I know I've hurt you and you've hurt me, and I know that feelings can sometimes mislead. But what matters is that we are here right now. Because now... the only thing that we are losing is time, just say yes already..c'mon and be mine. Yes, I like you. I really reaaallly like you because...the same things I like are the same things I love. So...I'll like you. :)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
I missed you, for one night only. I got over you, and then I missed you again. For that one night, I touched you, now I'm wondering if my touch is still there. See, there's really know way to reach you because you're already gone. Yet, I keep reaching. I'm on the tips of my toes, on the edge of this cliff almost overboard. If the wind blew a little harder, I just might tip over. The whole time I am falling, you watch me as if its a stranger you see...and if it is, I give you permission to take the blame from you and put it on me. Cause for that one night only, I loved you. I lost you, but then I loved you again. But when did you stop? The way you..you looked at me said...forever. But now your lips are saying, "I never...". Never what? Loved me? Or is it that you were just so much of a coward, soo scared to love someone as much as I could love you? Well, guess what...you deserved every ounce of my love and I deserve every drop of you, but the difference between us two is that I follow my heart, BUT you obviously left yours behind. So when you find it, give it back please...even if it is for that one night. One night only...
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Sooo ii haven't did this in a long time...thinking about you, that is. I had finally gotten to a point where ii could roll out of bed and not dread over you not lying there. I've been actually smiling and meaning it. Open my notebook, and you'll see that ii have my days all planned out. And then my finger traces down to today and there's an empty space. Every time my time is wasting, ii waste it on memories with you. I memorize thoughts of how much easier it would be if we still loved each other like we could have, better yet...how we should have. Right now, your hand would rest in mine. My fingers slowly tracing the lines of your palm. Your palm magnetizing my touch. Enjoying each moment as if it's our last. As if there was a chance that we could last. and although ii may be last in your mind, you're still first in my heart. You meant the world to me, but the world couldn't just let us have our moments. Life wouldn't be life it things happened how we wanted them to. And as you continue with your life, trying to find love..ii want so desperately to save you seconds, and tell you exactly where to find it. I never left, even after you were leaving. F o r e v e r is in my h e a r t .
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Soo ii visited with my grandfather yesterday. He had been in the hospital for about 5 days. I saw that something was wrong from the time he opened the door to his house. He said that the doctors had been running tests and they think it may be lung cancer. Cancer. But they will be sure when they get the results back next week. He says I'm the only person he has told as of yet. but what do ii say to that? Cancer. And what hurts the most is that I never had that close relationship with my family like I wish I had. I never felt that unconditional kinda love from anybody, but through all that..I still love them all unconditionally. But love can't save a person from dying. Sooo im on my knees praying for better news..better days. Cancer. Yet there's still reasons to smile. ♥
im dreaming of you until you meet me here. your face flickers on and off in my mind. like a puzzle, im trying to piece you together. rest your head on my shoulder. be quiet. let's just feel for lost time. but you're not even here. its just nice to pretend that you are. listening to this music in the headphones. listing the words for what they are, my reasons to think about you. so ii dance. dance around the fact that each day is a struggle. a struggle to try to not understand. a struggle to not regret you. a struggle to not love you, but we all know thats hard to do. the beat in my heart is irregular from me trying to now...unforget you. forgived you and the fact that you must do what you have to do for you. but for you, there's me. always....in my night mind.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
I'm querky and smart
I play dumb, because I can..
I'm short but I dream tall,
and I can barely depend on anyone.
I trust easily and love hard,
I appreciate the downs for leading me up.
I'm funny, (so they say!)
I guess I'm a lot of people's entertainment!! :-p
I rarely think about myself..
I'll make time for that rather sooner than later.
I loove to be the reason why people smile
But ii don't smile as often as I should.
I learn something new about me everyday
without anyone else's teaching
I'm close to God, yet so far away
But it's my goal to make him proud.
Ohhh, I often slip when it rains..
but ii probably shouldn't of been dancin in it in the first place!
I value my friends,
they all add something special to my life.
I don't like to be realistic UNLESS ii have to be.
I mean who are you to limit my reality???
I DON'T love guys,
BUT ii love l o v e.
That one guy.
I'll find him soon...
I laugh a lot, uncontrollably.
Like in ALLLL the wrong places. (church, weddings, practice)
But who cares!
Life's too short to sweat the small stuff.
I'm not perfect, soo stop judging me alreaady! >_<
I've hurt people because they hurt me.
NO EXCUSES, but it happened.
The past is what it is...the PAST.
If you're not the type of person to let that be,
then you prolly wouldn't appreciate a girl like me.
Time. Thats the only thing I wanted, but I knew you couldn't give me. Cause if you could, you would be the first thing I'd see when I wake up, and the last image of my eyes as I laid to rest. I wouldn't have to find scattered memories of you to satisfy this lonely heart. I should be able to run to you and reach your arms, but even in your closeness...you're still soo so far away. If you were capable, you would stop looking beyond me, through me, beside me...and just have patience for our premature, aging love. You would stop..and think of me. You would laugh and think of me. You wouldn't love...without me. Hands tied. Eyes closed. Legs tangled. Feet crossed...im still able to love you. Thats what I gave you, and thats what I showed you. Your NOTHING meant everything to me...and ii sit here and laugh. Because for YOU, my everything meant nothing for you. But Im not bitter, upset, or sad. With all the hearts out there, I'm sure there's time to fall again.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
don't be sad love...
don't wanna see you cry.
I know this isn't what you wanted.
But you want it.
speak to me my love...
i'll be your only listener.
I know this isn't what you mean.
But you meant it.
you gave me all my heart's desires...
implanted your love into my mind.
I know you didn't wanna do it.
But you did it.
You made me feel like ii was guranteed a spot in your world. You held my hand as if we were interlocked for life. You knew that I would never let go. Seems as if thats when you...let go. You knew when we met, that I wasn't perfect. You loved each flaw singlely, on its own. You let me feel like it was worth it. But you weren't worth it...
You weren't worth the face I faced when you left me there alone. Or the constant stares behind my back. You weren't worth me losing my friends, and then myself. I waited my turn in line to love you just like everyone else could have, but no one else could. I had a vision, but ii assume it ran too deep. Cause im noticing everything around me, I see everything but you. I thought that was all I'd ever need.
I accept the blame, since you can't even take partial credit. I'll take whats left of me, turn around...and walk away. But I count my steps...as you let me.
Don't let me love...
We can't walk away.
I know this isn't how you planned it,
soo the plan is:
let's runaway love...
to a place call Paris.
waiting in patience..
don't let us perish.
Let me save you. ♥
Monday, July 19, 2010
Let's stay together til we're ghosts..
I wanna witness love..
I've never seen it close,
But I guess I gotta find it first!
( t h e heart.)
"I just wanna love somebody, forreal"-Aubrey "Drake" Graham
(t h e s o u l)
/soul mate/ -The one person who can always make you smile, who shares your hopes and dreams, who makes you whole. Folklore claims that when a soul decends to earth it splits in two, each half of the soul inhabiting a seperate body. These two people are forever after 'soulmates,' and will never be complete until they find one another.:-)
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The responsibility that I would like to hold in someone’s life is not to carry them, but to inspire them. I am a young woman who knows how it feels for all of life’s cards to be faced against you. It takes a person of strength, determination, and perseverance to uplift themselves against all odds. There are some, however, that belong to a fortunate crowd of people that maintain stable success and a wealth of finances. Everyone is all too familiar with the saying, “life is what you make it”, yet what happens once you have made it?
I stand by the notion that if you are financially capable, it is responsibility to give back, but there is an extent to how and what is given. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with free money, but that only gets a person so far. Sometimes it isn’t how much money someone can give back, but sometimes it’s what you can offer the person in need of help. Personally, I like the idea of being given money so that I may become financially stable and have a less stressful educational experience, yet I would love even more if I were given the opportunity to earn it. Giving money to those who cannot help themselves, those born in poverty, and unfortunate situations is a very gracious and humane act of kindness. It gives people hope and a fresh start! There are many others that CAN help themselves, but just don’t take the initiative to do it. These are the ones that expect instead of appreciate things, and the same ones that wait for things to come their way instead of going out and making life better for themselves. For these people, giving back could have much more long-term value by offering mentoring, scholarships, intern- /job opportunities, or a simple act to show that someone cares.
Collectively, we must expand our minds into what “serving others by giving back” entails. We must give back to a person what’s missing in their lives. Someone, somewhere, there is a person in distress in need of someone to talk to. There are third-world countries with families that just want clean water. There are guys on the corner, who just need some words of advice or a push in the right direction. And then there are people like me who just want to be happy, however that may be. I encourage the successful to give back not only out of their pockets, but out of their hearts. Who knows, it just may mean the world to someone else out there!
P.S. I'm baaaaaaaaaack! ♥
Monday, June 14, 2010
I've always been told that life is a game. You have some that were born winners. There's others with vengeance in their eyes to play the game at all costs. Survival of the fittest. Doing anything they have to do to get to where they have to go. That includes hurting the ones that where by your side while you got there...And then there's others like me that are just learning the rules. You either play the game or let the game play you. I've tried the rules...they may work for everybody but im somebody different. The playing 'hard to get', the 'keeping your guards up', the 'never wearing your heart on your sleeve', and the 'money over everything'...all key things to a life full of success. But ii won't be where ii wanna be, if ii don't have someone to share it with. I remember when I was in the 9th grade, ii prayed to God and told him all ii wanted was somebody to love, ii said ii would endure all the ups and the downs, the joy and the pain..all ii wanted was to love. Boy oh boy did he give me ALL of that and all the tears that ii could bear. I got what I wanted...I've got the chance to love...and love hard. Now that I've mastered that part, ii know what it should feel like when ii get it in return. No more games. Blissful honesty and innocent love. It may not get me up the success ladder, BUT it'll get me where ii truely wanna be....in the arms of someone who loves me. Soooo here's to making our own rules...to this game called l i f e.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
what is it that draws us to someone else? cause im drawn. ii have to admit that, just when ii can stand straight up...there is something that always pushes me to fall again. && in my case, falling for a friend is way more different than falling for a stranger.ii value my friendship with him dearly, but there has to be a reason why i've been having these 'more than friends' type of feelings. see my friend isn't someone ii would usually talk to but maybe its time for something different. *sigh* ii dont know what to do...maybe i'll see how he feels first before ii get to deeply involved. hmm...but if he asks me. I'M READY...
Sunday, May 23, 2010
As Days Go By-Kiley Dean