If I...

I'm breathing... without you. I wake up. I walk. I talk. I sleep. I wake up and do it all over again. I'm alive, so it seems. But you killed me. And things will never be the same. I have all these things to say to you, things I should have said, things I would have said, things I could have said...but I can't. If I told you how many nights I've stared up at the ceiling, afraid to turn over not wanting to smother myself in tears. How its these nights, where I look over and your side of the bed is just how you left it. And in the mirror I see how you left me... just dazed and confused. If I told you all my secrets, the things I do to fill this void of where you were supposed to be, you probably wouldn't recognize me. How these secrets have turned its back on me, how these same secrets keep on breaking me into the girl I was before you, the girl nobody knew. Because before you...there was no me. Before you I wasn't beautiful, not even a little bit. Before you I wasn't complete, not even close. I cheated myself out of life...before you, but it was you that taught me how to live it. If I told you how much I hated you, would you know I meant I love you instead? Because even when I try to blame you, I can only blame all my love that I left unsaid. If I told you how even when I'm silent, I'm still screaming out loud. That every word I write unfolds out of you. That I would give up FOREVER just to touch you again. How I fight for you even when there's no war. How I smile because I know thats what you loved the most. How I wait for you...I'm still waiting. If I told you that I close my eyes, cut off my dreams, and pray that when I open them, you're standing in front of me. But when I open my eyes all I see is that the better half of me is you, the man that I can no longer have. So if I told you, what would it change...because I look over and your side of the bed is just how you left it...without you.

ONE NIGHT ONLY

I missed you, for one night only. I got over you, and then I missed you again. For that one night, I touched you, now I'm wondering if my touch is still there. See, there's really know way to reach you because you're already gone. Yet, I keep reaching. I'm on the tips of my toes, on the edge of this cliff almost overboard. If the wind blew a little harder, I just might tip over. The whole time I am falling, you watch me as if its a stranger you see...and if it is, I give you permission to take the blame from you and put it on me. Cause for that one night only, I loved you. I lost you, but then I loved you again. But when did you stop? The way you..you looked at me said...forever. But now your lips are saying, "I never...". Never what? Loved me? Or is it that you were just so much of a coward, soo scared to love someone as much as I could love you? Well, guess what...you deserved every ounce of my love and I deserve every drop of you, but the difference between us two is that I follow my heart, BUT you obviously left yours behind. So when you find it, give it back please...even if it is for that one night. One night only...