Saturday, May 29, 2010
what is it that draws us to someone else? cause im drawn. ii have to admit that, just when ii can stand straight up...there is something that always pushes me to fall again. && in my case, falling for a friend is way more different than falling for a stranger.ii value my friendship with him dearly, but there has to be a reason why i've been having these 'more than friends' type of feelings. see my friend isn't someone ii would usually talk to but maybe its time for something different. *sigh* ii dont know what to do...maybe i'll see how he feels first before ii get to deeply involved. hmm...but if he asks me. I'M READY...
i need a doctor. some real type of surgeon to put me under the needle. hopefully when he dissects my mind, he can tell me when this good girl went bad. and just hopefully when he gets to my heart, he can tell me if i'm gone forever. i've already broken down my soul and its a good one. i give more than i receive, i pray for them more than i pray for me. i stress more than i embrace, but thats okay. because that's all apart of this person i've been born into. a people pleaser. yepp! my world revolves around pleasing others, making sure that they are content in life. sometimes i don't enjoy it, but i don't know how to control it. i say "no" maybe 4% of the time. Friendships...i try to savor. relationships have been hard to let go. Perhaps because so many people have walked out of my life, that i often go above and beyond to make sure they stick around. My issues, i study them. and i'm nowhere near perfect, and i know it. I'm imperfectly human...and thats why i'm beautiful!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sometimes you may just see me staring off. Staring at nothing in particular. Blank expression. And you triggered it. Thinking about how things could have been. How it was. Scared of how things are going to be. How it is. I mean ii understand that life involves living. But ii wish I had a choice of whether I could live it with you. Things could have been so much easier that way. Could have been. Instead, sometimes I just feel like a puppet, being pulled in so many directions. Im that girl . But ii dont wanna be. Im the girl people think they've figured out, but most people don't have a clue. I feel more like porcelian. Hard as glass on the outside, but people could see through me if they wanted to. But they don't. But if they did, they'd probably see a heart inside...as cold as it wants to be. Cracked just enough for someone else to slip right in. But ii dont want them too. But they will. Sigh.All these thoughts in my head. I wish there was a prescription to rid them all away.//
As Days Go By-Kiley Dean
As Days Go By-Kiley Dean
I haven't realized a lot, but I've realized enough to say that life truely is what we make it. I feel like most times we choose to make it hard. We're selfish, jealous, manipulative, deceiving, pessimistic, greedy, and petty. We often take more than we give. Often talk more than we listen. && complain more than we appreciate. I feel like we've gotten accustomed to the art of expectation. We expect that in life we are suppose to be happy at least 98% of the time. Expecting our mothers to be mothers and our fathers to stick around , yet we all know they don't always stick to their definitions. && still we expect to be loved instead of hated. But often those chances are slim to none. And just when we feel like our life is falling apart, we give up. We give up because we're broke, we give up because we've made mistakes, we give up because we're loving them, and no one is loving us. And ii say 'WE' because, i'm guilty of it now more than ever. But if we just woke up and took the time out to look around. && ii mean REALLY look around. Ask yourself these questions. Am I alive? Cause their dead. Did I have a place to sleep? Cause he's cold. Can I hear? Cause he can't. Can I see? Cause she's blind. Has someone ever told me that they loved me? Cause they never heard it. Have I ever had to the pleasure to say it back? Cause she didn't know how. If today was my last day on Earth, would I have affected at least one person's life in a positive way? Hope so. Now ask yourself one last question. Am I happy? If you answered yes to at least one of these questions...then you should be. Happy, that is.