Saturday, October 16, 2010

i'm not bitter BUT...

if only you knew what it felt like to watch you look at her, the same ways you did me. she makes you laugh, and you smile. and then you smile, and she laughs...just as we did. you're singing her our song, and giving her the same thing you gave me...happiness. You caress her face, and ii touch mines, because ii can still feel where each of your fingers once were. you look my way, as ii look down. you turn your head, ii turn around...because facing you just seems so hard. the look on my face would give it all away. but maybe, just maybe...its what you need to see. Look at me, in the eyes...and say no word. gaze into my heart and see that your space is still vacant. that just because we were wrong then, doesn't mean we can't be right now. i've let you go soo many times before, and then ii remember why ii was holding on, it's you. you opened my heart in a way that no human being should have the power to do, and no amount of stitches or glue can close it back together. just take my hand, and make no sound. see how perfectly we interlock together. notice how much breath we save by not speaking, just listening to your heartbeat gets me through the day. but you're not here, and these tears won't bring you back to me. ii just wish that you could remember what brought you to me in the first place. and as reality sets back in, and ii watch you walk away. I wonder whats next for me. Cause im looking back and ii see you. ii look ahead and see you too. Mr. AlwaysBetheOneforMe, even if you never realize. It's distance that set us apart, but its you that's breaking my heart. Watching you as you watch her. I'm not bitter BUT... *exhales*

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Natasha Bedingfield - I Bruise Easily

Silya Says:

"The only way to lose something, is if you let it go."

I'll Love You.

I love you
I love you
I hate you
I love you
You hurt me
I love you
You left me
I love you
I hate you
But I don't
I love..
but you won't
You lied
but I love you
I cried
cause I love you
I hate you
but I want you
You let go
I hold on
I let go
and I move on ...
to loving you again.
I love you
don't go
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I do.
But I don't.
I still love you
and you're convinced of that too.
I'll love you.

Who knew.

Truth day, we're going to realize that every mistake we made was for a good reason. You see, it was good enough for YOU, to just leave me, STILL standing here, with this sense of hope in my eyes, that one day you just MIGHT come back for me. I'm left in the middle of forgetting and remembering, my mind is in traffic trying to diffuse the two. I gave you good enough reasons to love me, but that didn't mean that you would. I handed you my heart on a silver platter, my love carved in gold, my soul wrapped in diamonds, but it seems that it wasn't a big enough offer for you. It's almost as if we fell in love to fall out of it. I cannot yet, comprehend where we went wrong, but maybe we were never right to begin with. I know it's over, yet ii really don't know. Even if you spelled it out, I wouldn't wanna know, because no matter what, it's not good enough to just let you go. Cause it puzzles me how one day I had it all, and the next day my "all" was gone. How one second i'm staring love into the eyes, and the next second ii feel totally blind. How hard you said it was to leave me, but how easily you left. How you never wanted to be without me, and now...without me, is where you need to be. How you can go on with your life knowing that there is a girl out there crying out to you, needing and wanting you, embracing all that was you, but who knew? Who knew that you would walk in to my life and flip it upside down. Accept me as ii was, and everything I was not. Touch my heart, even if just for a moment. Inspire my world, my heart, my words. Teach me how to love me, just in case nobody else would. Who knew? So i'm left with an empty void, battered heart, and one unanswered question...why? But truth is, even with a good enough answer, it still wouldn't be good enough because knew.