Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I chose Eee as my friend of the week for one simple fact. I have never even actually met her and she has already been more supportive than people who have been in my life forever. Soooo here's to the unexpected one who steps in when the expected ones...step out. :)
Okaay so he didn't call or text me today. Sad face. I hate this part. The part with starting over && getting to no someone new. Like he could be a fresh start, the breath of air that I need to take my mind off of him. Even if its only for a little while. It sucks though that we're already on summer break, because we just started to talk before school let out. It doesn't help if this doesn't work out because we are in the same modeling troupe and ugggh...that would be awkward. But Silya is going to stop being pessimistic right now and think positive. Now this freakn guy has this way of making me feel like a little girl again. I anticipate when he calls, or whats the next thing he's going to say. This is the first time in a long time were even if things are going wrong, im still having fun going wrong with him. Make sense? Okaay so he says that he's tired of calling me first. But ii dont like to bug people because if ii had it my way...we'd talk from a.m to p.m gladly. Its not that i'm being prideful or playing games, its more of the fact that I don't want to start liking him more than ii already do. I have to admit, I'm a little scared. Scared to be happy again, because ii don't know how fast it'll be taken away this time. I know nothing last forever...but this time...ii just wish it could.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
I used to say that I would rather be alone if ii had to be without you. Now that i'm without you... I don't say much at all. Every second without you is like a minute without air. It feels like a thousand blows to the body that then goes numb, leaving me to only feel it in my heart. I still remember the day you had to leave. it was the last day I have ever felt complete happiness. You told me you would be back if you could. Guess you couldn't.You told me no amount of miles could break us apart. Yet, we're broken.I've tried to break. Break away from the feeling of your fingertips perfectly placed into mines. Away from how you saw the beauty of a diamond when all ii saw was coal. From your smile, your laugh, && most of all your...heart. The feeling sits with me that now someone else gets to love all of what ii am missing. You. I've moved on, but I can't let go. I know this because I try. I'm trying. I've tried...