Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Friend of the Week

I chose Eee as my friend of the week for one simple fact. I have never even actually met her and she has already been more supportive than people who have been in my life forever. Soooo here's to the unexpected one who steps in when the expected ones...step out. :)

i hate this part.

Okaay so he didn't call or text me today. Sad face. I hate this part. The part with starting over && getting to no someone new. Like he could be a fresh start, the breath of air that I need to take my mind off of him. Even if its only for a little while. It sucks though that we're already on summer break, because we just started to talk before school let out. It doesn't help if this doesn't work out because we are in the same modeling troupe and ugggh...that would be awkward. But Silya is going to stop being pessimistic right now and think positive. Now this freakn guy has this way of making me feel like a little girl again. I anticipate when he calls, or whats the next thing he's going to say. This is the first time in a long time were even if things are going wrong, im still having fun going wrong with him. Make sense? Okaay so he says that he's tired of calling me first. But ii dont like to bug people because if ii had it my way...we'd talk from a.m to p.m gladly. Its not that i'm being prideful or playing games, its more of the fact that I don't want to start liking him more than ii already do. I have to admit, I'm a little scared. Scared to be happy again, because ii don't know how fast it'll be taken away this time. I know nothing last forever...but this time...ii just wish it could.

Pick of the Day:

Spotlight Artist: Angel Taylor

Not Even Human

Spinning Wheels (Live)

And see me fall...

Wait Til You See My Smile.

So I'm going to TRY to make this my last blog about him. Cause I feel as if the longer that I am stuck in the past, the less happy I'm going to be in the future. Yet, presently I have a lot of unanswered questions. I was watching MTV's True Life. A couple met in college, and after college the guy went to Indianapolis and the girl went to Virgina. They had a 4 year long, long distance relationship and the 4th year, they got married. THE END. Last year around this time I felt like love could travel...and it had no constraints, but he constrained it. He gave up because it became too hard. Yet the most difficult challenges often always turn into an amazingly beautiful ending. This year, I still feel that MY love has traveled halfway...if only he would meet me right there. Rather sooner than later. Idk how many people have fell in love, saw the meaning of happiness shine through a person, and then have all that taken away in a matter of seconds and miles. Im laughing right now...because ii know God works miracles...&& ii know if God miraculously brought me and him together again..::sigh::. just wait til you see my smile.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Chris Brown-Froze

My Pick of the Day:

My Words of the Day

"My heart still has some thawing to do. Still frozen. Just how you left it..."
. S I L Y A .

Dear Silya,

Don't give up. This too...can be yours.

Mars Vs. Venus

So there's this guy. He's not THE guy. But here he is. Not knowing that just a moment ago, I had given up on love. Deep down inside of me, I feel like I've already found the one for me. I left my heart with him a year ago. But since I don't have his in return, I suppose its okaay for me to move on. Yet, I've tried. && I kept running in to the Mr. Feels So Right But In The End Your Are Still So Wrong- type of guys. But lets not dread on the past today. Sooooooo this new guy. He seems real cool. His sarcasm matches mine. I dig his style. He calls me 'ma' (blush). Ahh I'm such a geek && he's my n.e.r.d. Who cares who approves cause so far he has done nothing but make me smile. The thing is, I find that I cant quite be myself with him. And its not because I can't. Its because I just dont want to be. The thing I always tell my friends is...never to be guarded because you might miss out on someone special. Don't get me wrong, I am a very open person, but my little heart cannot take anymore heartache. I don't know if Im only making excuses because he's not h i m. No one ever will be. && it hurts me because its only holding me back. It's like i'm choosing between M a r s vs. V e n u s. him and he. When in the end, there is no comparison. Exhale.Let's see how far HE goes.

j u s t h o l d on & & d o n ' t l e t g o.

Drake - Over (2010 Juno Awards Live Performance)

Best Rapper Alive.

My Drake went home with Best New Artist && Best Rap Recording of the Year Awards. :) #thankHIMlater

&& of course...before he was Drake. He was Aubrey Graham. Either way ii LOOOOOOOVE em'.

just me && my musiq.

" Music allows you to escape...even when you know its impossible to."

Monday, May 17, 2010

Before I met you...I was nothing that I am. Now everything I am, is nothing that I wanted to be.
T H E B R O K E N - H E A R T E D G I R L.

Maxwell - Playing Possum (High Quality)

Express disappointment...speak your regrets. Baby call out my name. I'll be where y o u are. I'll be very STILL. Step down to my heart.

Alicia Keys – Unthinkable Video (I’m Ready)

Alicia Keys – Unthinkable Video (I’m Ready)

Beautiful Video to an oh so beautiful song.

Here I Stand

I used to say that I would rather be alone if ii had to be without you. Now that i'm without you... I don't say much at all. Every second without you is like a minute without air. It feels like a thousand blows to the body that then goes numb, leaving me to only feel it in my heart. I still remember the day you had to leave. it was the last day I have ever felt complete happiness. You told me you would be back if you could. Guess you couldn't.You told me no amount of miles could break us apart. Yet, we're broken.I've tried to break. Break away from the feeling of your fingertips perfectly placed into mines. Away from how you saw the beauty of a diamond when all ii saw was coal. From your smile, your laugh, && most of all your...heart. The feeling sits with me that now someone else gets to love all of what ii am missing. You. I've moved on, but I can't let go. I know this because I try. I'm trying. I've tried