Thursday, January 14, 2010

Quote of the Day

"There's always something that stops you from falling....even when you don't wanna be caught."



When is it going to be okay to live? When is it going be okay to experience happiness without the pain? When is it going to be okay to get what you deserve? When is it going to be okay to find yourself after losing yourself? Realistically, reality stinks. Reality tells me that I can live...JUST as long as it follows the guidelines for who everyone else...wants me to be. Reality tells me that I will be happy ONLY after I endure the pain. Reality tells me that the more good I do, the more bad will come my way. Reality tells me that once a good girls gone bad...she's gone forever (Jay-Z). So...I stopped expecting. Expectations only lead to disappointments once things don't turn out as planned. So...I stopped planning and started living day by day. But it's hard to live "real-istically" day by day when the people around you aren't real AT ALL. The smiler in ya facers...the OH! thats just my frienders...the sorry you're not good enoughers. My reality involves me taking control of my life, who's in it, and what's going on throughout it. I'm not taking life too seriously...but MY that's a different story.

Mood: Anti-reality!

Broken Heartz

It's funny how something once so perfect
Can now be something you barely even recognize.
It's strange how first impressions
aren't lasting ones...
&& how your last words
don't match with your first ones.
It's drastic how I've seemed to love you
more than I loved myself
&& it hurts to know how much I care
versus your non-care-at-all.
It's annoying how many times I've said
that I'm over you...
When all I really wanna be
is beside you.
I'm scared to know what
you are thinking
Yet not knowing is
an indescribeable feeling.
Is it hopeless to say
that I want us to work
Cause you don't seem so willing...
I'm trying to remember
what lead to this part
Leaving me again to
re-repatch my heart.
What happened to our smiles
that never seemed to fade away
Or the drawn out conversations
at the end of everyday..
What about the moments
you didn't wanna spend without me
or the way you made your time...
somehow revolve around me.
I used to be your number one fan
You used to be my joy but then...
So typically, you had to change
and the tears I shed
Are yours to claim.
&& I wish you would say something
Cause your silence is deafening
More than the words
"I'm sorry, it's over"
Cause at least that way
I could start on my closure
Lay in the bed
Cry instead of sleep...
Tossing && turning
Listening to Floetry on repeat.
Wondering how I'm ever gonna
face you.
Wishing that somehow I could kinda
erase you.
break you.
hate you.
love you.
save you.
Save us
before our chapter ends
Rewrite us to how
it should have been.
But you close your eyes
as I exhaled slow...
&& still I wonder
Where do [broken heartz] go?

[The Game]

We all know the game. Most of us play it well. But what happens to the players that don't know the rules? The ones who live in love and put their hearts on the line everytime, hoping that this time its different than the last. That this time won't end up like that one and hopefully it never ends at all. Hmm...wishful thinking! Actor/Singer Ray J stated:

"I feel like you broke my [heart]...just to see what was inside."

Day by day i'm finding this to be more true. I guess my ultimate question is...where do all the broken hearts go when the world is done using them? Are they recycled for later use?? Because I feel like they should just be thrown away. Survival of the fittest...Every man for himself. Love's a game, so I might as well play it!

Mood: Heartless