Over.

Before I fell in love, I fell in love. Unnoticed. I gave you everything, without giving you anything at all. Unwillingly, I allowed you to caress my heart. You graced my life with your evanescent presence, and just like that...you faded away. You gave me everything I never wanted, and nothing I never needed. and that was love. Bitter, yes I was. Lonely...confused, were things I felt. But I'm standing here..still standing. Not waiting, or wandering, but wondering how time could have brought me so much pain, yet so much promise. Cause what you promised, was that "everything will be alright". And I'm alright, with or without you by my side. You see the love I have for you is no longer a burst of flame, but rather a small spark in this wind. Your heart seems way more distant, moving further each day. Your voice is unrecognizable, but I like it that way...with no sound. No control. No power over what has always been mines. Our clock is broken, but I'm STILL frozen in time. and I lost you, or did I really even lose you? For I know just where to find you if I ever feel that I should. But even if I needed you, I don't think that I could because what I'm feeling today is reality in its place. This dream we had for us was nice while it lasted. You painted it though it seems like you've already moved passed it. So this is my goodbye, for you from me. No longer holding on to what was or what should be. You are doing you, and someone else will be doing me. Don't feel bad. I will always remember the day that I fell... but YOU should remember this day...so long, farewell.

Silya Says:

"God gave us love...why is it so hard for you to give yours away?"

If I...

I'm breathing... without you. I wake up. I walk. I talk. I sleep. I wake up and do it all over again. I'm alive, so it seems. But you killed me. And things will never be the same. I have all these things to say to you, things I should have said, things I would have said, things I could have said...but I can't. If I told you how many nights I've stared up at the ceiling, afraid to turn over not wanting to smother myself in tears. How its these nights, where I look over and your side of the bed is just how you left it. And in the mirror I see how you left me... just dazed and confused. If I told you all my secrets, the things I do to fill this void of where you were supposed to be, you probably wouldn't recognize me. How these secrets have turned its back on me, how these same secrets keep on breaking me into the girl I was before you, the girl nobody knew. Because before you...there was no me. Before you I wasn't beautiful, not even a little bit. Before you I wasn't complete, not even close. I cheated myself out of life...before you, but it was you that taught me how to live it. If I told you how much I hated you, would you know I meant I love you instead? Because even when I try to blame you, I can only blame all my love that I left unsaid. If I told you how even when I'm silent, I'm still screaming out loud. That every word I write unfolds out of you. That I would give up FOREVER just to touch you again. How I fight for you even when there's no war. How I smile because I know thats what you loved the most. How I wait for you...I'm still waiting. If I told you that I close my eyes, cut off my dreams, and pray that when I open them, you're standing in front of me. But when I open my eyes all I see is that the better half of me is you, the man that I can no longer have. So if I told you, what would it change...because I look over and your side of the bed is just how you left it...without you.

ONE NIGHT ONLY

I missed you, for one night only. I got over you, and then I missed you again. For that one night, I touched you, now I'm wondering if my touch is still there. See, there's really know way to reach you because you're already gone. Yet, I keep reaching. I'm on the tips of my toes, on the edge of this cliff almost overboard. If the wind blew a little harder, I just might tip over. The whole time I am falling, you watch me as if its a stranger you see...and if it is, I give you permission to take the blame from you and put it on me. Cause for that one night only, I loved you. I lost you, but then I loved you again. But when did you stop? The way you..you looked at me said...forever. But now your lips are saying, "I never...". Never what? Loved me? Or is it that you were just so much of a coward, soo scared to love someone as much as I could love you? Well, guess what...you deserved every ounce of my love and I deserve every drop of you, but the difference between us two is that I follow my heart, BUT you obviously left yours behind. So when you find it, give it back please...even if it is for that one night. One night only...

i'm not bitter BUT...

if only you knew what it felt like to watch you look at her, the same ways you did me. she makes you laugh, and you smile. and then you smile, and she laughs...just as we did. you're singing her our song, and giving her the same thing you gave me...happiness. You caress her face, and ii touch mines, because ii can still feel where each of your fingers once were. you look my way, as ii look down. you turn your head, ii turn around...because facing you just seems so hard. the look on my face would give it all away. but maybe, just maybe...its what you need to see. Look at me, in the eyes...and say no word. gaze into my heart and see that your space is still vacant. that just because we were wrong then, doesn't mean we can't be right now. i've let you go soo many times before, and then ii remember why ii was holding on, it's you. you opened my heart in a way that no human being should have the power to do, and no amount of stitches or glue can close it back together. just take my hand, and make no sound. see how perfectly we interlock together. notice how much breath we save by not speaking, just listening to your heartbeat gets me through the day. but you're not here, and these tears won't bring you back to me. ii just wish that you could remember what brought you to me in the first place. and as reality sets back in, and ii watch you walk away. I wonder whats next for me. Cause im looking back and ii see you. ii look ahead and see you too. Mr. AlwaysBetheOneforMe, even if you never realize. It's distance that set us apart, but its you that's breaking my heart. Watching you as you watch her. I'm not bitter BUT... *exhales*

Natasha Bedingfield - I Bruise Easily

Silya Says:

"The only way to lose something, is if you let it go."

I'll Love You.

I love you

I love you

I hate you

I love you

You hurt me

I love you

You left me

I love you

I hate you

But I don't

I love..

but you won't

You lied

but I love you

I cried

cause I love you

I hate you

but I want you

You let go

I hold on

I let go

and I move on ...

to loving you again.

I love you

don't go

going

Gone.

I hate you

I hate you

I hate you

I do.

But I don't.

I still love you

and you're convinced of that too.

So...

I'll love you.

Who knew.

Truth is...one day, we're going to realize that every mistake we made was for a good reason. You see, it was good enough for YOU, to just leave me, STILL standing here, with this sense of hope in my eyes, that one day you just MIGHT come back for me. I'm left in the middle of forgetting and remembering, my mind is in traffic trying to diffuse the two. I gave you good enough reasons to love me, but that didn't mean that you would. I handed you my heart on a silver platter, my love carved in gold, my soul wrapped in diamonds, but it seems that it wasn't a big enough offer for you. It's almost as if we fell in love to fall out of it. I cannot yet, comprehend where we went wrong, but maybe we were never right to begin with. I know it's over, yet ii really don't know. Even if you spelled it out, I wouldn't wanna know, because no matter what, it's not good enough to just let you go. Cause it puzzles me how one day I had it all, and the next day my "all" was gone. How one second i'm staring love into the eyes, and the next second ii feel totally blind. How hard you said it was to leave me, but how easily you left. How you never wanted to be without me, and now...without me, is where you need to be. How you can go on with your life knowing that there is a girl out there crying out to you, needing and wanting you, embracing all that was you...is you, but who knew? Who knew that you would walk in to my life and flip it upside down. Accept me as ii was, and everything I was not. Touch my heart, even if just for a moment. Inspire my world, my heart, my words. Teach me how to love me, just in case nobody else would. Who knew? So i'm left with an empty void, battered heart, and one unanswered question...why? But truth is, even with a good enough answer, it still wouldn't be good enough because you...you knew.

This Time.

I don't need you to to love me...but I want you to. I don't need you to care...but do you? Ya see, I'm crying out to you, but you don't hear me. I'm tossing my heart into your hands, and you let it fall. I'm staring love into your eyes, but you don't see me. And why should you? Now that the tables have turned, flipped over, and tumbled a bit..I want you. But when you wanted to be "the one", I didn't let you. When you wanted to be my reasons to smile, I didn't smile back. When you wanted to give me the world, I broke yours to pieces. You put your heart on the line and I sat their and watched it dangle. Treating you as if you were always going to be there, but your not. It's not that I wasn't ready, cause I was born to love. Its just that you loved me sooo much and it was a scary, unfamiliar type feeling. And because I didn't know how to love you, I let you go instead. Pushed you away, and made you feel as if it was YOU that was wrong. yet, you did wrong soo perfectly. I tried to erase you, replace you, be with someone just like you...but it was always you. You. Now you hold hands with someone new. You make her smile, like ii was suppose to. And all I want is to run to you and tell you that I made a mistake. But the mistake your making is even bigger than that. The one you need, the one you love, the one...lies in me. One more chance...One more love. Say yes...this time.

Torn.

To know that every night that you close your eyes, I am the image that is left imprinted in your mind...drives me insane. To know that you loved me past my confused mind, selfish ways, and deceiving smile...hurts me. To know that that every time our eyes meet, all you will see is my unspoken lies...kills me inside. And to know that as you lay in bed alone, caressing the creases where I once laid, longing for the love that we used to give, realizing that you're the only one who is still giving it, ready for me to return my heart where it belongs..with you, remembering that ii was once only a phone call away, wondering if I am feeling the same, not knowing that if you only knew...that my heart chooses you, BUT it chose him too...and now its his arms, where I rest my head, and NOW its his lips that I keep warm instead.... just tears me apart. Torn but I deserve it. Every ounce of guilt, every tear I shed, all the hurt in my heart, and even that's not enough. Cause what you give me, is an unbearable love. A love that leaves no room for error, or pain. The way you love me ,flaws and all, leaves me questioning whether I even deserve you. My angel in disguise. My life. My Love. My everything.And for e v e r y t h i n g....I am sorry.

This is dedicated to you...my number 1. ♥

Silya Says:

"You have to live for s o m e o n e...even if it's not yourself."

Breathe

Nothing about me is perfect. Everything about me is perfect for you. our hearts are in sync even with miles resting between us. I feel you with out touch. I love you without warning. I breathe out of hope that you will allow me to love you for the rest of our lives. because my life wouldn't be worth anything if ii had to breathe without you, or love him...who's not you. you don't have to tell me to love you, because ii do it unintentionally...without cause or notice. I can't stomach who ii would be if you never had crossed my path, even though it was only for a moment of memories. No one has saw through this girl who is so broken, yet still offers to love all her pieces. No one had saw this diamond when she was coal, until you. It's as if ii am you, just in another form because you taught me how love is supposed to feel. and that's to feel it for myself, first. Now, ii live..ii laugh..ii love..ii breathe...ii thank you. ♥

Good Morning

Wake me up from this night mare. Because the nights are always the worst. Nights are when its coldest. Nights are when everything from your day recollects in your mind. I want so much to wake up from this scare, but this is the closest ii can ever be to you. My night mare, began when I first met you. My heart did something it had never done before. It stopped. Before I could regain my breath, ii was already falling in love. Our nights...our days, made me feel impeccable. Even if it was for a second, I never wanted to be without you. Even when I wanted to give up on us, you never let me. Then things changed, all in one night. The night I watched you, in a way that I had never watched you before. Because we both knew that things would never be the same. When you've given your all to someone, your heart, your mind, your promise, your soul...its impossible to get all those pieces back when its all over. Over. Over. It's over..but it could never really be over. Because these nights keep bringing you back to me. Even in the arms of someone else, these nights still whisper your name in my ear. So ii wear ear plugs. But then these nights breeze your touch down my spine. So ii put on a sweater. And then these nights take my breath away. and my heart, stops. just like it use to when ii was with you. Soooo ii pray for good morning's cause these nights, just murdered me.

Forever.

Sooo ii haven't did this in a long time...thinking about you, that is. I had finally gotten to a point where ii could roll out of bed and not dread over you not lying there. I've been actually smiling and meaning it. Open my notebook, and you'll see that ii have my days all planned out. And then my finger traces down to today and there's an empty space. Every time my time is wasting, ii waste it on memories with you. I memorize thoughts of how much easier it would be if we still loved each other like we could have, better yet...how we should have. Right now, your hand would rest in mine. My fingers slowly tracing the lines of your palm. Your palm magnetizing my touch. Enjoying each moment as if it's our last. As if there was a chance that we could last. and although ii may be last in your mind, you're still first in my heart. You meant the world to me, but the world couldn't just let us have our moments. Life wouldn't be life it things happened how we wanted them to. And as you continue with your life, trying to find love..ii want so desperately to save you seconds, and tell you exactly where to find it. I never left, even after you were leaving. F o r e v e r is in my h e a r t .